Chronic invisible illnesses are hard to understand if you don't have one - even for medical professionals supposedly trained to help.
Looking "fine", but battling with pain, fatigue, dizziness, nausea can be so hard - and it's no wonder that people with chronic illnesses often also suffer with depression and anxiety. This is why I want to highlight the importance of asking - not just those with chronic illness, but - everyone, "how are you?", because not many people do.
I was inspired to write this post after seeing the footage of the Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle in her recent interview with ITV. When questioned about how she's dealt with media scrutiny in the past few months Meghan says:
"...as a woman, it's a lot.
So you add this on top of just trying to be a new mom or trying to be a newlywed it's, well…"She continues: "Also thank you for asking, because not many people have asked if I'm OK. But it's a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes."Journalist Tom Bradby then asks her: "And the answer is, would it be fair to say, not really OK, as in it's really been a struggle?" Meghan, visibly upset, then replies: "Yes."
I've been in this place.
I've had doctors ask me my symptoms, order tests, prescribe medications and send me on my way. However, just once, a GP really looked at me after discussing my issues and said "that sounds like a lot to deal with, and how are you feeling dealing with it all?", and it took me back - because in an appointment, nobody had every asked me that before.
I cried, and she let me cry. I told her it was a lot to deal with and she understood. She sympathised and empathised, and she made me feel heard for the first time in a long time.
Unfortunately there is no miracle cure for my conditions, and I've had some pretty awful experiences with doctors since this encounter, but knowing that there are people out there who are willing to listen to me, who believe me and who empathise with me is so important.
So in case I don't say it, thank you for asking.
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